coming up next,i am going to tell a true life story that happens to me(hahahaha)

a year or two ago,i was rather depressed and was sucidal.bleeding was pretty much part of everyday's life.

but then,i had a big group of friends who stay by me to keep me happy and safe.so,soon, the bleeding lessens,and slowly,not that noticable anymore.

i became who i used to be,cheery on the outside and always poking into people's stuffs again.

one day,my unlucky day,for i think i poked into some wrong stuff.

a friend started to say some weird stuff as though she has two characters in her body.she was very angry with herself.i thought it's just some minor things,so i ignored her.

then some weeks later,i saw scars on her arms.ok,i thought she was jus having some emotional ups and downs,so i thought i should accompany her more often and cheer her up like how they cheered me up.then i felt something wrong;more and more scars.

i guess when she let me see all those scars,she thought i would keep it as a secret.but i did not.

i told some of my friends that i thought was reliable and i told a teacher.i never thought that much,it was as if my mind was thinking i should keep the secret but my body was looking for help.as she sinks deeper into her depressed moments,i could not handle her anymore,so some help might be good for her.

then, she started to blame me.she blamed me for betraying her(as in telling others about her condition) and started avoiding me.i wanted to know why she avoided me,but only weeks later then she gave me 2 letters.

after reading that letter,i was totally hurted.i cried and stopped and cried again.i was so sad and scared till my temperature's running low with my hands feeling freezing cold.

i blamed myself to looking for help and blamed myself thinking that she was just following what i used to do:injuring myself.

i was so sad for months,a little thought could just make me cry.she WAS my best friend,and yet, we became like this.i keep blaming myself.

so after,i started avoiding her,avoiding my thoughts and avoiding myself,till i was able to convince i did no wrong.and during that time,people around me who knew what happen were like 'why do you do this to her' n 'its not your fault.you did the right thing.'

then, i felt nothing.my heart no longer felt painful or sad or anything.they say i numbed my heart,but i don't care,i just want no more tears.a emotional blackout.

now,i just convince myself i do no wrong,and should not be thinking about it anymore.

even though sometimes now,i do chat with her,i don't chat much about anything.i've learnt my lesson to not poke into her stuff anymore.

i never told anybody about it,only a few knew what really happened.i am totally used to keeping things to myself that telling others make me feel so weird(which is a bad thing).so no one could imagine my pain.

but at least i am ok now. :)

Categories: my life [t]

You did not do any wrong. If something is out of your control you need to seek help. That is EXACTLY what you did. Dont beat yourself up over it! I would have gone as far as telling her parents. Sometimes what a person needs is "professional" help. You are doing this for her because you CARE and not for any other reason. The person needing the help will become defensive. That is "normal". Once she is well again and in her "right mind" she will be thankful to you. I hope she was able to get help.
» KkaMA67 on 2007-03-06 11:11:56

to kkama67
yeah,she got help,but she totally hated me for that help i got her
» c-s-y on 2007-03-06 11:51:08

RE: comment
vacation sounds good. I dont know if you have been reading my blogs but I am going to Vegas in April. That should be nice and relaxing. Thanks!

As for your friend, if she hated you for the help even after it was over than she has OTHER issues she needs to deal with.
» KkaMA67 on 2007-03-06 12:12:10

don't blame yourself. whatever ur doing u r just trying to help her; trying to be there for her.
» renaye on 2007-03-06 08:36:01

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